My husband and I have lived in a big city ever since we got married over six years ago. Before that, I came from a rural Midwestern town where seeing a liberal was about as common as seeing a bear on a unicycle. Here though, we've always run in liberal circles (because you have to when you're in a major metropolitan hub), and they never knew our politics. If/when they ever did find out we were conservative, they'd either ghost us or say something like, "Oh well you're not like the others." COVID really changed the landscape within our existing friend groups, though, as lines got drawn a lot more harshly by those who were sympathetic to the totalitarian measures. Before that, it was much easier to be casual friends despite political differences, and maybe after the last cult holdouts finally start to pretend they never supported any of that, it will be again.
I have a hunch you ended up in the Boston area. There are certainly some pockets that are more centrist/red leaning. My town about 20 minutes south of NH is about evenly split which seems like a win to me. If you did move to MA, welcome (!!) and don't forget to vote for Diehl for governor, gotta keep the progressive candidate out!
PS - my hubs and I would absolutely be your friends.
Interesting take. I think it would take a mammoth amount of personally known conservatives to change a mind. It's the 'well not all' problem. "Not all blacks, not all christians, not all muslims, not all Jews...." Of course it's not all! It never was all! Therein lies the rub. That's true for both sides of the aisle.
Hello Lydia! You referenced the Red Sox and another comment suggested you are in Boston. If so, once you get settled, I have plenty of medical freedom and home school moms to send your way. I have been involved in MA medical freedom Activism since early last year. It has been eye opening to have met people of all walks and all types of political persuasions as we united in our common opposition against medical tyranny. You can reach me at Phillipvaleri@gmail.com
Hi Lydia, I work as a therapist full-time, saw your YT video and decided to sign up here on substack. I think your intuition is right to not push an agenda or your own perspective upfront to the people you meet in your new blue city. I think usually in order to be able to have even the possibility of penetrating another's perspective, some key things to consider are: a) do I have any 'cache' (credibility) in the eyes of this person? and b) gauging if the person is, in that moment, in a place of willingness to even hear a different point of view from their own (consider that the answer may very well be 'no'). I think credibility and trust can often be built over time by just having a kind demeanor and/or good deeds towards the other person.
One great passage I can recall is from a samurai who lived hundreds of years ago (his name was Jocho Yamamoto, and his text was called "Hagakure"). I thought I'd share the following, what he wrote on the subject of giving advice/feedback to others:
"Reprimanding people and correcting their faults is important; it is actually an act of charity...[but] one must take pains to do it in the proper way. It is an easy matter to find strong points and shortcomings in another man's conduct; it is equally easy to criticize them. Most people seem to believe it's a kindness to tell people things they do not want to hear, and if their criticisms are not taken to heart, well, then nothing more can be done. Such an approach is totally without merit. It produces results no better than if one had set out willfully to insult and embarrass the man. It is simply a way of 'getting things off one's chest.' Criticism must begin *after* one has discerned whether or not the person will accept it, *after* one has become his friend, shared his interests, and behaved in such a way as to earn his complete trust so that he will put faith in whatever one says. And then there is the matter of tact: one must devise the proper way to say it, and the proper moment--perhaps in a letter, perhaps on the way home from a pleasant gathering. One might start by describing one's own failures, and make him see what one is getting at without a word more than is necessary. First one praises his strength, taking pains to encourage him and put him in the right mood, make him as receptive to one's words as a thirsty man is to water. Then correct his faults. To criticize well is extremely difficult..."
Another great Japanese writer, Yukio Mishima, commented on the above passage: "Advice is free. We may be reluctant to lend a hundred yen, but we are no more reluctant to part with a bit of free advice than with water. [This] almost never functions as a social lubricant; eight or nine times out of ten it makes people lose face, crushes their will, and creates a grudge. Jocho is well aware of this phenomenon...Here he is firmly grounded in a scathing, realistic evaluation of human psychology. Certainly, Jocho is not one of those optimistic, irresponsible sermonizers (who, after all, are the most ignorant of human character)..."
Best wishes to you and your husband in your new chapter! (Also, Welcome to New England, if that's where you are!) Sincerely, Joe
Im more libertarian than conservative, but living on the border of Philly in deep deep blue it’s tough. True friendships are limited but I also can’t bite my tongue. We are easy to spot though, only house WITH brown people AND the only house withOUT a BLM sign.... good luck!
My husband and I have lived in a big city ever since we got married over six years ago. Before that, I came from a rural Midwestern town where seeing a liberal was about as common as seeing a bear on a unicycle. Here though, we've always run in liberal circles (because you have to when you're in a major metropolitan hub), and they never knew our politics. If/when they ever did find out we were conservative, they'd either ghost us or say something like, "Oh well you're not like the others." COVID really changed the landscape within our existing friend groups, though, as lines got drawn a lot more harshly by those who were sympathetic to the totalitarian measures. Before that, it was much easier to be casual friends despite political differences, and maybe after the last cult holdouts finally start to pretend they never supported any of that, it will be again.
I have a hunch you ended up in the Boston area. There are certainly some pockets that are more centrist/red leaning. My town about 20 minutes south of NH is about evenly split which seems like a win to me. If you did move to MA, welcome (!!) and don't forget to vote for Diehl for governor, gotta keep the progressive candidate out!
PS - my hubs and I would absolutely be your friends.
Diehl or Healey; should be an obvious decision. God help us. I’ve been championing him for months.
Unfortunately I don’t think Lydia would be able to vote in Nov if they are new residents of the state.
Interesting take. I think it would take a mammoth amount of personally known conservatives to change a mind. It's the 'well not all' problem. "Not all blacks, not all christians, not all muslims, not all Jews...." Of course it's not all! It never was all! Therein lies the rub. That's true for both sides of the aisle.
Hello Lydia! You referenced the Red Sox and another comment suggested you are in Boston. If so, once you get settled, I have plenty of medical freedom and home school moms to send your way. I have been involved in MA medical freedom Activism since early last year. It has been eye opening to have met people of all walks and all types of political persuasions as we united in our common opposition against medical tyranny. You can reach me at Phillipvaleri@gmail.com
Love your optimism. God bless and goodnight.
Hi Lydia, I work as a therapist full-time, saw your YT video and decided to sign up here on substack. I think your intuition is right to not push an agenda or your own perspective upfront to the people you meet in your new blue city. I think usually in order to be able to have even the possibility of penetrating another's perspective, some key things to consider are: a) do I have any 'cache' (credibility) in the eyes of this person? and b) gauging if the person is, in that moment, in a place of willingness to even hear a different point of view from their own (consider that the answer may very well be 'no'). I think credibility and trust can often be built over time by just having a kind demeanor and/or good deeds towards the other person.
One great passage I can recall is from a samurai who lived hundreds of years ago (his name was Jocho Yamamoto, and his text was called "Hagakure"). I thought I'd share the following, what he wrote on the subject of giving advice/feedback to others:
"Reprimanding people and correcting their faults is important; it is actually an act of charity...[but] one must take pains to do it in the proper way. It is an easy matter to find strong points and shortcomings in another man's conduct; it is equally easy to criticize them. Most people seem to believe it's a kindness to tell people things they do not want to hear, and if their criticisms are not taken to heart, well, then nothing more can be done. Such an approach is totally without merit. It produces results no better than if one had set out willfully to insult and embarrass the man. It is simply a way of 'getting things off one's chest.' Criticism must begin *after* one has discerned whether or not the person will accept it, *after* one has become his friend, shared his interests, and behaved in such a way as to earn his complete trust so that he will put faith in whatever one says. And then there is the matter of tact: one must devise the proper way to say it, and the proper moment--perhaps in a letter, perhaps on the way home from a pleasant gathering. One might start by describing one's own failures, and make him see what one is getting at without a word more than is necessary. First one praises his strength, taking pains to encourage him and put him in the right mood, make him as receptive to one's words as a thirsty man is to water. Then correct his faults. To criticize well is extremely difficult..."
Another great Japanese writer, Yukio Mishima, commented on the above passage: "Advice is free. We may be reluctant to lend a hundred yen, but we are no more reluctant to part with a bit of free advice than with water. [This] almost never functions as a social lubricant; eight or nine times out of ten it makes people lose face, crushes their will, and creates a grudge. Jocho is well aware of this phenomenon...Here he is firmly grounded in a scathing, realistic evaluation of human psychology. Certainly, Jocho is not one of those optimistic, irresponsible sermonizers (who, after all, are the most ignorant of human character)..."
Best wishes to you and your husband in your new chapter! (Also, Welcome to New England, if that's where you are!) Sincerely, Joe
Peace and Love to the both of you.
Im more libertarian than conservative, but living on the border of Philly in deep deep blue it’s tough. True friendships are limited but I also can’t bite my tongue. We are easy to spot though, only house WITH brown people AND the only house withOUT a BLM sign.... good luck!